I was just saying to a friend that I had no intentions of reviewing Game of Thrones which is why I was no hurry to watch it – I wanted to take my time with it. But then I watched it and thought to myself. How could I not?

The following contains spoilers about the seventh season of “Game of Thrones.” Proceed at your own detriment.

First of all…WTF, Euron?

Secondly…WTF, Theon!!!

I mean, did Theon just jump ship, LITERALLY? Ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

This episode wins at dialogue before anything else, and this is apparent in the opening scene when Danaerys questions Lord Varys’ loyalty – of which he passes, he is Lord Varys after all.

Then comes Melisandre to set into motion the most anticipated meeting of Game of Throne’s entire history = Jon + Dany.

Ah, but Dany now wants to Jon to come and bend a knee; what is wrong with this woman? Logically, it makes sense (obviously) but still….  I’m literally just impatient to see how this plays out in the next episode.

As expected, the North is cautious of this – The King of the north should remain the North, they say. But Jon goes anyway (He needs him some Dragonglass) leaving Sansa in charge till he returns. He makes a quick stop at Ned Stark’s tomb before leaving, threatening Little Finger along the way, “Touch My sister and I’ll kill you myself”.

I see you, Lord Tarly.

Cersei is busy trying to instil fear into the Lords to get them to fight with her against the Mother of Dragons. But I was very distracted, all I could see was that Dickon Tarly had been recast. How did I not know that? My darling Freddie Stroma has been replaced with the very gorgeous Tom Hopper, so it really is hard to be mad at that. Except, I remember how excited I was when I found out that Freddie Stroma had been cast in G.O.T, so yes, I am a little disappointed.

I really hope that Lord Randyll Tarly does not side with Cersei. He might, but he seems like a man with honour and I really don’t want him to break faith with House Tyrell. Even though he’s a major asshole to Sam, I still just like him and I don’t know why. So, yes, I don’t want anything bad to him. But alas, this is Game of Thrones, so I’m not going to get attached.

At the Citadel, Sam is very, very determined to save Jorah Mormont whose greyscale is getting pretty advanced. We’re rooting for you, Sam! 

One of Danaerys’ dragons will fall – we speculated this but now that Cersei has found a way, we’re completely sure now.

Why is Olenna Tyrell so bad ass though? Her advice to Danaerys right after Dany’s meeting with Olenna, Tyrion, Yara and Ellaria, feels more like a foreshadowing.

Game of Thrones fans everywhere died of excitement when Greyworm and Missandei finally ‘got together’. We have waited too long for this. And Greyworm’s speech before that – too much sense.

This literal reaction when Arya finds out her family is alive in Winterfell and chooses to head there instead of King’s Landing.

But my question is, news doesn’t travel in this world? Really? I can’t believe Arya really hadn’t heard Jon Snow had taken the North. It’s not like she has been in isolation; and if you consider how easy it was for Lady Tyrell to travel from Dorne to Dragonstone…I’m getting carried away.

I was glad to see the Sand snakes back, even though it was just for a brief moment. I like them even though most people don’t.

Oh Shit!!!! Euron is a mad man. Did you know this? I didn’t. I thought he was just annoying but I guess I didn’t fully understand what he was capable of. Is it weird that he just got a thousand times hotter?

Euron’s ships attack Yara’s on their way to Dorne and an absolute BLOODBATH ensues. It was nice to see Theon in combat after Yara calls him her protector – it was good for us to be reminded that he is not completely useless….ahh, but that is short lived.

Damn it, look at how excited Euron was to be killing people – that man has a legit problem. Even Obara and Nymeria Sand were no match for him (which saddened me because I love Jessica Henwick and will love to see more of her wherever I can take it). But the battle was fought and won, two of the sand snakes were killed with their own weapons.

Euron was able to kidnap Yara, who fought VALIANTLY. He taunts Theon to come and save his sister, but Theon was like, Nah, I’m not about that life…

…and then he proceeds to LITERALLY jump off the ship instead of attempting to save his sister.

Of all people for Theon to do this to, why Yara? She has literally had his back every step of the way, she even came to rescue him when Ramsay had him. That would have been the bravest and most redeeming way for Theon to die. But alas, he chose to punk out and take the cowardly route.

I’m just lowkey praying that he still attempts to save his sister at a later point in this season but who am I kidding.

All in all, pretty excellent episode. It had explosions. 

I can’t wait for the next episode. You can peep the preview for the next episode here:

If you liked that story, be sure to check out: Queen Sugar Is Really All The Black Magic You Need; Here’s Why